These children of mine needs to know when they can and cannot do something.

“…and I gave forgiveness I’ve been denying..”-tim mcgraw, live like you were dying

For a time I’ve been hiding this pain in my heart, and my conversation with a friend last night made me realize that I should let this all out in the open once and for all, forgive the person and move on.

At the time while I was living with a friend, we’ve been branded for a lot of reasons. I thought that she was my friend being in the same faith together, however, it proved that you won’t really know a person unless their interest is on the line. Let me be clear on this that, I’m not making it her responsibility to take care of us, that’s not what I meant. She has been a really big help to us and I want to say that I have regards for her too. However, it has caused me too much tears and undue worries and constant questioning of myself and I ended up more hurt aside from my separation from my children’s father.

Stealing. She branded my kids as thieves, while I understand the situation, however, to conclude that most of the things that she’s losing around her home is because my children are stealing from her is really unfair when what she only has is what her boyfriend told her and her suspicions. For some reason, until this day, my children still feels insecure about it and the most affected is my daughter.

The last time we saw each other, she accused me of stealing her anklet. Which I never forgave her for it. How would I steal something that I don’t normally use? And at the time, despite my being hard on money, I was working as an English tutor. She may have her reasons, but until now, I still feel angry about it. I’m not a jewelry person, I may have some piece but a lot of people can attest that I don’t wear them.

Dentures. I had my dentures done by a doctor that she knew, and until today I still haven’t made the difference from it. Why? Because the dentures didn’t really fit, the first weeks that I wore it, I was in pain and endured it because I thought that I just need to “break” my gums. But according to a company dentist, it doesn’t fit me and I need to bring it back to the dentist who made it. But how could I? She already bad mouthed me to the doctor, what confidence do I have now to face her? This dragged on for years. In one of her hate mails, she even taunted me about it.

Adultery. She always insists to me that she’s not committing adultery because these men that she’s having sexual relationships with over the internet doesn’t really touches her. We always have arguments about the men she’s involved with, for some reason and I didn’t really understood her until now, but she’s too focused and consumed by what she was doing and she ends up “beating” me for it. She even used me against her husband, at the time, I thought that I was doing her a favor, but after I’ve recovered from the pains of my separation, I realized that all those things that she’s been doing to me, and the things that she’s asking me to do, weren’t right.

Despite the treatment of indignation, one should be willing to secure to cancel a debt with no reservations, and I am canceling that debt.

I will chose to forgive and cancel all the cursing words she planted in my life. It will never flourish for it would die and fall on dead ground. The years past has proven to me that my God is sufficient enough, and despite my still shortcomings, His expression of love is still available for me whenever I need it.